


Vicious Circles - Part 3

by BlueStar86



Series: Vicious Circles [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dean's long awaited purgatory prayer, Dean's prayer, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, F/M, Hopeful Ending, ITS ALL ANGST, Love Confessions, M/M, Open Ending, Post-Episode: s15e08 Our Father Who Aren't in Heaven, Season/Series 15, Temporary Character Death, and the promo decided to go against them, because I had ideas, dammit, gay love pierces through the veil of death and saves the day, which is not set in purgatory in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStar86/pseuds/BlueStar86
Summary: Sam and Eileen are held captive by Chuck. A terrible deal is struck.Meanwhile following the tragic events of purgatory (in part 2) Dean drinks away his grief and contemplates a world without his angel.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Vicious Circles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593424
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Vicious Circles - Part 3

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nickelkeep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickelkeep/gifts).



> The final part of my not-a-drabble series. This fic is gifted to @nickelkeep though the story totally got away from me and this is so not anywhere close to the prompt you asked for! Sorry! Turns out fluff just wasn't on the cards!
> 
> For this fic to make sense, you need to read both parts 1 and 2 first. I promise they aren't terrible! Well - I don't think they are all that bad, I mean, they are pretty damn depressing and angsty but then so is this and SO IS CANON and I am a masochist. Sue me. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Beta'd by the always wonderful @wigglebox <3 You are amazing and I love you! Sorry for my ridiculous aversion to comma's and insistence on spelling things (correctly) in British English. :P
> 
> See end notes for any trigger warnings

“Do you know what I love most about humans? You’re all so damn hopeful. So desperately clinging on to this idea that you’ll get a happy ending. It pleases me. Of course, you are all deluding yourselves. I didn’t create this world, or any of the others, to be happy. Life, as I’ve created it, is tough. It’s tragic. All men must die in the end. And the best stories? The ones that really stay with you? They are full of suffering, and of men going to extreme lengths to defeat death, only to end in a poetic tragedy anyway. Because that’s life after all.

Don’t you agree, Sam?”

Sam had been tied to this chair for hours. His head was still fuzzy from Chuck’s mind games, but he had managed to get a good idea of his surroundings. It looked like a casino? But the scent of blood was thick in the air, and aside from Chuck’s voice, the room was filled with silence. No bells or chimes from the slot machines, no clattering of dice on the table, no shuffling of cards. Whatever happened here, it wasn’t good. Eileen still sat opposite to him, also tied with her hands behind her back. Her expression was full of concern and fear.

Chuck was staring at Sam, impatiently waiting for an answer. Sam blinked.

“What? I don’t care Chuck. If you want your story to continue so badly, then let us go so we can keep playing it out.”

Chuck rolled his eyes.

“Ah, but then you’d just keep trying to find a way to stop me. Which you won’t be able to do, because I’m God.” He smirked, and Sam glared at him defiantly.

“If that was true, then we wouldn’t be here, tied up, having to listen to your bullshit right now.”

Chuck’s grin dropped, and he leaned in close to Sam, their noses practically touching.

“You ought to show me some respect. I own you, Sam. Don’t underestimate me. Or my power.”

He stood up straight and picked up a pink-coloured drink, swirling it around before taking a sip.

“The reason you and your little friend are here Sam is because I was hoping to talk some sense into you. To encourage you to get back on script. Seeing as you didn’t take my advice before, it seemed more forceful measures were necessary.”

Chuck glanced at Eileen, who had been sitting quietly, watching him and reading his lips.

“For instance, I know that you’ve taken quite a liking to this pretty lady.” He reached out and stroked Eileen’s cheek making her recoil in disgust. “Bringing her back, that was off-script.”

Chuck sighed dramatically and took another sip of his drink.

“You know, when I first wrote magic into the story, when I decided that it might be cool to have some loopholes, some cheat codes to my world… it was always supposed to be limited to a select few witches, and always in a way that would ultimately doom them. Like magical karma. You wanna play around with my universe, you better be prepared to pay the price.

Some, like Rowena…well, I turned a blind eye for a long time.” Chuck shook his head, and Sam felt a chill run through him. He glanced at Eileen who was shifting in her chair, clearly trying to break free of her bonds.

“My biggest issue was when magic started to interfere with my starring characters. Those loopholes… they weren’t for yours or Dean’s use. Especially not when it allowed you to take the story in the wrong direction.”

Chuck was distracted with his monologue, and Sam’s eyes darted between him and Eileen, who was signalling him to keep Chuck’s attention on him. To keep him talking.

“But surely a story with magic, and getting us to believe we can manipulate or beat the system, is more interesting? Has more depth?” Sam asked.

Chuck nodded thoughtfully.

“Perhaps you’re right,” he said.

Eileen had managed to get her hands free and shook herself out of the rope bonds. Chuck wasn’t looking, instead, he was smirking at Sam.

“But only to a point. Bringing back people for your own selfish benefit, who have no place in my story, though…”

Eileen had managed to jump up and pull out a concealed knife. She made a run at Chuck and--

Chuck held out an arm, freezing Eileen on the spot.

“…that’s something that I plan to correct.” He stared at Eileen with cold, angry eyes and a sinister smile on his lips. He had known what she was planning all along. Sam yelled her name and struggled with his bonds.

“Chuck, please! Let her go! This is nothing to do with her. Just let her leave, and you can do whatever you like with me.”

Chuck sighed. “You’re just not getting it, are you Sam? Didn’t you pay attention to the vision? To the other versions of you that I know you saw… My various drafts, all the different ways it could have ended for you and Dean?”

“What has any of that got to do with Eileen?! She’s not a part of this!” Sam pleaded.

“That’s right. Exactly! She’s not a part of this. She doesn’t belong in this story.”

Sam looked desperately between Chuck and Eileen. “No. Chuck, even if your story is about Dean and me, and us killing each other… there still has to be other people, other characters! It can’t just be me and Dean all the time! Why can’t she just be a--a side character in the story? Doesn’t it raise the stakes to have us care about other people, outside of each other?”

“Oh Sam. That may be true, but you didn’t want Eileen to just be a side character in your story. Did you?”

Sam glared at Chuck, but his shoulders dropped as he looked back at Eileen. She was still frozen in place, watching him helplessly. He slumped back in his chair, defeated.

“No,” he said sadly, still looking at Eileen. “I love her.”

Eileen’s surprise was evident, but she flashed a small smile. “I love you too, Sam.” She replied.

Chuck frowned. “You see, this is just not working. The only love story in Supernatural is the one between the brothers! There’s no romance in Supernatural!”

“Between the brothers?” Sam pulled his eyes away from Eileen to scrunch up his nose and stare at Chuck in horror.

“Well, not like THAT… eww. Though I have glanced at some pretty freaky fanfiction in the past…” Chuck stared into the middle distance for a moment as if remembering something terrible and horrifying. Then he shook himself off and grinned at Sam. “No, I mean, you and Dean are my leading men, the love you share is what drives and powers this whole story. The drama of one brother, having to kill the other, and then kill himself… the co-dependency… the TRAGEDY. It’s the perfect story!”

Sam shook his head.

“You’re wrong. There are plenty of brilliant stories out there. Stories that end happy.”

“That’s not how this is going to work, Sam. I get MY story. And here’s why…”

Chuck snapped his fingers, and Sam watched in horror as Eileen instantly turned to dust and disappeared.

“NOOOO!” Sam screamed. Chuck smirked at him. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” He cried.

“Don’t worry, Sam. She’s not dead. She’s just… gone away.” Chuck waved his hand as if this explained Eileen’s whereabouts at all. Distraught and horrified, Sam stared icily at Chuck.

“Bring. Her. Back.” He growled through gritted teeth.

“Oh, I will, Sam. Don’t worry. If you comply, Eileen will get to live a perfectly normal happy little life. Just, not with you.” Chuck sipped his drink smugly, and Sam felt his hatred for the man fill his veins.

“How do I know you’ll keep your promise?” He asked.

“Because, when the story plays out, right before my grand finale, I’ll come to you, and to guarantee your compliance AND the compliance of your brother, I’ll bring her back. I’ll erase her memory of you, and I’ll set her on her way. She will get a fully human life based entirely on her own choices. I won’t meddle in her story at all.”

Sam felt the tears fall down his cheeks, and he blinked through them.

“She’ll get to be happy? You promise me that she’ll be happy. Promise me. Make sure that she lives, and she is happy.” Sam sobbed.

Chuck grinned coldly.

“Promise.”

…

Dean sat in the library, staring into the darkness. His fifth glass of whiskey was finally starting to numb the pain in his chest. His eyes were red and sore from his earlier tears, but now he sat silently. He had no tears left to cry. He didn’t know where Sam was, his brother wasn’t answering his phone, and Dean knew he had to investigate that in case something was wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Everything was damn hopeless now anyway.

The metal creaking of the bunker’s front door pulled Dean out of his trance. He turned to see Sam slowly stumble down the stairs. He could tell from his brother’s posture that something was wrong.

Swaying as he stood up, he staggered to the war room to greet Sam.

“Sammy?” He called out to no response. When Sam finally looked up at him, he saw that his eyes were just as red as his own. His brother’s face filled with an eerily familiar look of grief and defeat.

“What happened?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

“I could say the same to you,” Sam said.

Dean found a chair and slumped into it. He clenched his jaw and fought to say the words out loud.

“We lost, Sammy.”

Sam sat in the opposite chair and considered Dean’s demeanour. “So did we,” He replied, voice breaking.

“Sam? Where’s Eileen?”

Sam looked up, and his eyes filled with tears. “She’s gone, Dean. Chuck-“

“Chuck?!” Dean stood up in a panic. “What happened, Sam? Are you hurt?”

“No. But we… we gotta stop trying to beat him, Dean.”

Dean furrowed his brow.

“Chuck took Eileen. He’s using her as leverage. If we stop fighting him and ‘play our roles’, then she gets to live.”

Dean shook his head.

“No, Sam. We can find a way to save her. If he’s still got her, then we can get her back… Hell, we have to try. I want at least one of us to have a chance at happiness!”

Sam stood up and reached out to grip his brother’s shoulder.

“Dean, he’s not holding her prisoner. He made her disappear, like… dust. She’s gone.”

Dean regarded Sam’s tired face, his brother looked broken, like the fight had left him. He looked exactly like how Dean felt.

“Well then, we play our roles, and when Chuck brings her back, then the two of you can be together again?” Dean asked.

Sam shook his head sadly.

“This only ends one way for us, Dean. Neither of us gets a happy ending.”

Dean’s eyes widened, and he stepped back, sitting back down in the chair and closing his eyes. “So that’s it? We’ve lost?”

Sam mirrored Dean’s movements and nodded, his eyes still teary and red.

“Where’s Cas?” Sam asked. “We should let him know.”

Dean’s face dropped, and he swigged back the last of his whiskey.

“I guess we both lost something special today Sammy.”

Sam froze, and he stared at Dean, not wanting to know the truth but knowing he had to ask anyway.

“Dean… what happened to Cas?”

Dean gripped the empty glass in his hand, refusing to look at his brother.

“He’s… dead.”

Sam drew in a breath and sat back.

“How?” Sam asked in horror. “Are you sure? He can’t be! It’s Cas!”

Dean shook his head.

“It was my fault. I should’da done more to get him out of there. Damn fool sacrificed himself so I could get back.”

“Get back from where Dean? What happened today?”

Dean wiped his eyes and scrubbed his hand over his face.

“Michael. He told us about a spell to trap Chuck. It needed this flower from purgatory, this leviathan blossom, so Michael created a door, and we went and got it.” He stood up while telling the story, needing to move as he felt the anger boil up inside him. “Cas was stubborn, we were both angry, we fought. Benny was there… we got caught out by leviathans, they had us surrounded. Cas managed to hold them off, but…” Dean stopped and looked back at Sam, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. “There were too many. Cas used himself as bait.”

“What if he’s still there, Dean? If he managed to fight them off-“

“He didn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I saw them rip him to shreds!” Dean yelled.

Sam froze and watched as Dean visibly shook with anger and emotion.

“I saw everything, Sammy. I saw those sons of bitches eat him alive. My best friend… and the person I--“ Dean broke off and clenched his jaw. Unable to say the words again.

Sam felt helpless. Still dealing with his own grief, he didn’t know what to say to make any of this better.

“and now… Chuck… and Eileen. We can’t even do the damn spell because you went and made a deal. So Cas died for nothing. He died for NOTHING!” Dean shouted and, in his anger and frustration, threw his empty glass across the room, watching it shatter as it hit the wall. Sam jumped at the sound but remained silent.

Dean breathed deeply, trying to control his anger.

“I’m sorry, Sam.”

Sam shook his head. “Don’t be. I’m sorry too.”

“I need to be alone,” Dean said. He clapped Sam on the shoulder and headed to his room. Leaving his broken-hearted brother alone in the darkness of the war room. Sam blinked away another tear and watched him leave.

…

After everything that happened, Dean needed to clear his head. At least Sam was safe, even if he was in just as dark a place as Dean was now. They both had lost any shred of hope of winning, and Dean wanted nothing more than to drink himself to death. Screw Chuck’s story, screw saving the world, screw everyone else. He was done with it all. Feeling the weight of the day finally defeat him, he collapsed face-first on his bed. He breathed in deeply and tried to push down all of the painful memories that continued to haunt him.

_Cas always comes back,_ Dean thought. _He’ll be in the Empty now, and he’ll find a way back just like before…_ _He just needs something to fight for._ Dean sat up straight as soon as the thought came to him.

_ I need to give him something to fight for. _

So Dean wiped his eyes of the tears that had stubbornly kept flowing. He clasped his hands together, and he prayed.

“Cas…” Dean whispered into the dark silence of his room. “Castiel.” Another tear fell down his cheek as the pain welled up inside him again.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can… I’m so sorry, Cas. This was never meant to happen. It all went too far, got too much. And I couldn’t-- “

Dean took a deep breath and shook his head. He needed to get this right. No excuses.

“We’ve been through so much together. You are so important to me, I know you don’t believe it right now, and I know I haven’t shown it, but you are.

“You were never… dead to me, Cas.” He struggled to repeat the words, hating himself for ever saying them in the first place. “I’m sorry I ever said that. And I don’t blame you for m-- for mom. I’ve been so angry. At you, at everything, at our whole, messed up shit show of a life. Where anytime I even attempt to hold on to something good, I lose it.

“I’m scared, Cas. Because I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. You said we were real, But how do I know that for sure? Even before all that, before Chuck, before Mom… I was angry back then, at Jack, and at you for always putting Jack first. Hell, I think I was jealous of the kid…”

Dean huffed a laugh and paused, thinking back to one of the darkest times of his life.

“You died before, and it broke me. I don’t think I ever told you that. Your death… it snuffed out a light.

“Then you came back, and I was so happy. I figured… I actually allowed myself some hope that you and I could – well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? But you were distant, and I was too damn scared to bring it up. Too scared I’d lose you again, that you’d get fed up with me, take Jack and leave.

“That fear, the fear of losing you… it eats at me. And it makes me lash out, push you away like I’m trying to protect myself from feeling that way again… like I can shut off my feelings for you, so it won’t hurt when you inevitably leave me for good. And I get so angry that I scare myself. It’s a vicious circle. I can’t stop it. No matter how bad I want to, I can’t stop it.”

Tears were falling down his face, and Dean took in a staggered breath to try to compose himself. He had to voice the one thing that scared him more than anything else, not knowing if Cas could hear him or not.

“I love you. I love you so damn much. And I should’da told you so many times while I still had the chance.”

Dean felt the weight of the words finally leave him, and blinked away the tears.

“You can’t be gone Cas. You gotta come back. We’ve both gotta keep fighting, because I can’t do this without you. I can’t do any of this without you. You gotta come back to me. Please come back to me.”

Dean bowed his head and let the tears fall freely. He didn’t know where to go from here.

…

Far away in a dark empty void, tear-filled blue eyes stare widely into nothingness, having just heard the prayer that set his heart soaring.

“Well now,” A husky female voice drifted through the void, cutting into the silence. “Now that’s all cleared up, perhaps you’ll re-join the fight.”

Castiel turned to look at Billie. Standing next to her were two people. On her left, a woman Castiel had only just started to get to know. Eileen. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears but she had a hopeful smile on her face. On Billie’s right stood someone he loved with all his heart. His son. Jack held up his hand and waved.

“Hello Castiel.”

Cas smiled.

END.

**Author's Note:**

> YAY! Gay love really does pierce through the veil of death and saves the day! Death aka Billie would so agree with me! Now Cas just needs to make a plan of action with "Team Free Winchesters and Stop Chuck" (we're working on the name) and bring back the happy ending that the boys deserve!
> 
> *Trigger Warnings*  
> Chuck effectively Thanos snaps Eileen into the Empty.  
> Sam thinks she is dead - which, I suppose if she is in the Empty she is but WHAT IS DEATH ON SUPERNATURAL?!?  
> (Death is a gorgeous badass lady in a black leather coat)  
> Dean drinks a lot and briefly contemplates giving up and just dying (He gets over it pretty quick)
> 
> I have enjoyed writing this alternate 15x09 and I hope you have all enjoyed reading it even though it is really painful (sorry). At least the latest SPPT promo and the promo pics and the 15x11 synopsis have effectively confirmed that this whole concept won't be the case (Cas probably isn't dying and going to the Empty on Thursday - though I can't say I'm feeling all that optimistic about Eileen surviving the episode...)
> 
> Since I am outraged at myself for leaving it here, I am contemplating coming back to this and writing a part 4 which reunites TFW and Eileen, and actually concludes in a happy, fluffy, and possibly smutty way. Watch this space. :P


End file.
